Weekend Update with Ashley

Okay, more like week and a half update at this point... Man I'm behind! Also, I started this blog on last Thursday, April 30, but I'm just now posting it today, Monday, May 3, sorry bout that!

The Friday before last, April 24, was Relay for Life!! I love Relay for Life and what it supports. Cancer research is one of my passions...I can't do the research myself, but I want to support those that do. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 16, soon-to-be 6 years ago! (Yay!!!) It's one of those things that I'll never forget and something I totally believe was a God thing. Not the actual cancer, of course, but the way it was discovered. My mom has always gotten her yearly mammograms and she went in for her regular checkup, like usual, but her usual doctor wasn't there, so a different one did the mammogram and looked at it. Well, something that looked ever-so-slightly off appeared on the scan, now Mom told me that she has pretty fibrous breast tissue and that little weird spots have shown up before but turned out to be nothing and Mom hadn't noticed any lumps. Well, since this doctor wasn't her usual one, he wanted to get it checked out, but if it was Dr. Harr, he may not have thought anything of it. So she went in for a needle biopsy of the mass and found that indeed it was cancerous, but it was very, very, VERY small. Seriously, like they almost never catch them this small...I don't exactly remember the size, but I wanna say it was only like a few milimeters or something... MILIMETERS! So, she was able to go in for surgery to remove the tumor, they sent the tissue to pathology to check just how far the cancer was in the lump and found that it was still on the edges of the sample they took out, so they went back in to remove a little more of the tissue with surgery. She had to undergo six weeks of radiation to the area and go on an anticancer medication and she now has checkups with an oncologist as well as Dr. Harr. She was so lucky that it was caught early!! It was still scary being faced at sixteen that your mom had cancer, up till that point I'd mostly thought of cancer as being in kids (leukemia) or old people. Not my forty-something mom. But she was surrounded by a team of great doctors and nurses that were taking care of her and our family, whole group of friends, and church family chipped in to help out wherever we needed it. They brought food out to the house when Mom got home from surgery, my grandma came out to the house to see how Mom was doing, some of our friends and church friends helped drive Mom to and from her radiation appointments 45 minutes away in St. Joe when she was worried about being too tired to drive, and one of our friends who is a nurse even came out to our house in the middle of the night (rather than having us call an ambulance) to take care of Mom when her incision busted open. I saw then how good some people can be and that's one why I loved growing up in a small town where you knew so many people that you could count on to help out whenever they could.

So Relay came to mean a whole new thing to our family. It reminded me of my mom's strength and that she was able to overcome cancer and caught it early. This is why I love that Relay not only supports research, but also money for prevention and education about all different types of cancer. Prevention and screening is the key! Now I know that you can't prevent or screen every type of cancer, some are just very hard to detect early, but in this case, breast cancer is easy to screen for. That's why I will go and get my mammogram every year from the time I'm 30! It will suck, but it's one thing that will help me to be healthy!

I did Relay for Life this year with a team of my fellow senior nursing students! It was super fun!! We played Catchphrase and the RN game!! Yes, we learned something through a board game and it was great! And this year I was walking for my mom, Grandma Barnes, and Allison's uncle Tom specifically.

Nothing terribly exciting happened last week except for eating out at Lamberts, going to my still pointless internship, helping with the dinner served at church by the youth group, attending my last class as an undergrad, taking a class picture with my fellow mimes/burglars/goths :), working during the flu epidemic (totally kidding, MSU DOES NOT have swine flu, so please don't come to Taylor), youth group, and a BBQ at Jessica & Eric Sentell's.

This has been the weekend update with Ashley. Have a great night everybody!

This is Real

It's all becoming so real. I'm going to be a real nurse, on my own, no one to hold my hand anymore! I realized this the other day when the youth director at church asked me if I would be the nurse for our mission trip this summer. No big deal, right...but then I realized that means I will take care of kids that get sick or injured, and I will be in charge of all the medications! Wow! It's a lot of responsibility, and I hope I can handle it...I think I can, I think I can!

I'm in my last undergrad. nursing class right now!! Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!! Nursing school has been so tough and I'm glad that the last half of this semester has been quite a bit easier than previously! I know some of you say I don't do anything, and the last half of the semester you are close to being right...cause really I've just done stuff with my change project (doing the meeting, writing the paper, giving my class presentation). I can't say that I'm disappointed by that though! I remember spending hours on fundamentals and med-surg clinical logs the night before, staying up late, then having to leave before dawn to go to the hospital. Not fun! I remember stressing out about knowing everything about every disease known to man and having to know it all for a test. Definitely not fun. I remember having to learn a million medications that I'd never heard of and how they work, side effects, uses, etc. I thought my brain might explode...not fun. I remember the orientation day and being so overwhelmed that I began to doubt my ability to be a good nurse and doubting whether going to MSU was a good idea. I remember calling my mom and bawling to her about how I couldn't do it. But she told me I could...too many times to count when I was doubting and worrying and stressed. There's no way I could have done it without her!!!

Nursing school was super hard, but I always knew I was meant to be a nurse. I remember spending time with a patient and comforting her when she was scared about her cancer and recovering from surgery, and still grieving the loss of her husband. I remember really talking with a patient who said that no one listened to him. I remember trying to comfort a husband who was worried about his wife and her condition. I remember providing basic care to give comfort to a dying patient and holding his hand. I remember knowing just what to tell a worried family member about a procedure. These are just some of the reasons I want to be a nurse.

This is so real and it's coming fast. I'm ready to be a nurse...but worried about the responsibilities that come with it. But I can do it! I've got a God who doesn't give me more than I can handle and family and friends who always support me! I can do it!

What a Wonderful Day!

Today was soooo beautiful outside it was hard to be anything but in a great mood!

I started off by getting up (almost on time) and getting ready for my last presentation as a BSN student!!!! Woot! I am loving the warm weather, so I just had to bring on the skirt which ended up being a good choice! I think my presentation went pretty well actually, although I wasn't at all excited about my project as a whole. I did hand hygiene again, like last semester only with a very different community. I would have liked to do something else, but projects are quite limited when you're working in a hospital and there are things going on, but they're already taken over by committees, etc. So the only thing that Kim gave me was to re-educate the staff on hand hygiene. So I did it, it turned out well and it really is extremely important, but it just wasn't something that I gained a lot from. But I guess it was pretty easy.

We got out of class early, which is always nice and I got to go over and see the little girls at Scholars to hang out for a bit before my clinical evaluation with Carol Daniel. It went well, as they all have and I'm feeling more and more confident in my abilities as a nurse. I also talked with her a little bit about my future plans. I'm thinking more and more about going back to get a Masters or Nurse Educator degree if I get tired of working in the hospital. I've been thinking more about the Nurse Educator thing since talking with Sara, a sophomore who's going into the nursing program, and encouraging her throughout the past year. I think that's something that I might just be good at, in the clinical setting. Who knows though...

After my evaluation, I went with my roommate Allison to Adam & Eve to pick out a Bachelorette present for her soon-to-be sister-in-law before the wedding this weekend. Let me tell you, that was different experience for both of us!! It was pretty much awkward and it was only made worse by the sales lady that insisted on telling us about the specials and sales adn checking on us and then telling us everything about the product that Allison bought...more than we needed to know!!!

Then, Emily, Rachel, and I went in search of a new park so that we could just go, get away from everything, sit in the sun and relax. It was wonderful!!! So refreshing and it was beautiful outside! I loved it and definitely think it needs to happen again!!! So overall, this was a pretty good day...with a minor event of awkwardness. :)

It's getting close...

I turned in my last paper as a college student today!!! I also turned in my ginormous portfolio earlier this week that included everything I've done in nursing school...let me tell you, it was a beast! I'm so glad all that's over! Now I just have to give my little 10 minute presentation in class next week, take one final during finals week, and I'm done. It's all sooo crazy and coming up so fast! I'm so ready for graduation!

Also, I made the decision today to do something crazy... I'm going to go skydiving with some nursing friends! Oh man, we're going either during finals week or just after graduation, so pray that I don't die...jk!! I'm not really nervous about the falling or anything cause I'll be strapped to an instructor the entire time. It's just the jumping out of a plane thing. I think I might try and chicken out once we get up there and I won't be able to do it. I guess it's a good thing I'll have someone to do it for me!

He Arose!!

I had a wonderful Easter break! I got to go down to Oklahoma to visit my family and it was just a wonderful time of refreshment and not worrying about school and everything else. I left Springfield on Thursday and drove the long drive to Warner, Oklahoma. I had to stop in Pryor to fill up on gas, get something to drink, and give Julie Bates a little shout-out but otherwise I had the pedal to the metal to get the drive over with. I made my first stop at my uncle's tractor supply & feed store to let them know I was there and I helped my aunt work on a mowing machine a little bit. When it was closing time we all went back to the house. A storm was blowing through so we sat and waited for the storm to pass and hoping that we didn't get hit by a tornado! No tornado though, and no serious damage was done except for the power being knocked out for a couple of hours and one tragedy...the old wooden outhouse they had in their backyard was blown over. :( Then my cousin, Staci, and I took off for Checotah, OK (the nearest Wal-Mart, about 20 min. away) to get her a new cell phone since hers was murdered by her horse. Evidently a couple days before I got there she was riding one of her horses and she was texting at the same time...well the horse got spooked by something and reared up, knocking her off, and stomping on her phone! I couldn't help but laugh when I heard this because she killed another phone when she was riding her horse and he went in the pond and she forgot about her phone being in her pocket....in case you can't tell, she's a little blonde! :)

The next day while Staci was off at school, Aunt Sharah and I lazied around the house for once in the morning, then went to check all the cows to make sure they weren't having trouble calving. Then we went to the store. Ray had just got a shipment of feed in and it all needed to be sorted out and moved inside. Let me tell you, this was a FUN job...not! We ended up moving about 3 tons of 50 lb. bags of feed!!! And I guess we even made more work for ourselves than we needed to because we didn't realize that we could stack 1/2 full pallets on top of themselves to send to the other store in Porter. Ray got a big laugh out of that and needless to say, I was a little sore the next day. The rest of the day I helped organize the shelves in the store and move some stuff around to make more room and label shelves. After the store closed we all went back out to check cows, move some over from the house to a different field, and feed them. We had several new babies and they were all so stinking cute! I'm always surprised when I got out ther at how well behaved their cows are...they're almost tame! Our cows at home hate when we mess with the babies, but their's are actually okay with it as long as they are right there with them. Of course, all this meant that we didn't get to thinking about eating dinner until like 8:30 and we were too tired to make anything, so we had to settle for the only thing open in town...McDonald's. Staci went out to go bowling in Checotah and then spend the night at a friend's house so it was just us and we spent our exciting night watching a Hallmark movie. :)

Saturday we got up, checked cows, and went to the store. That afternoon after the store was closed, Ray, Sharah, Papa, and I worked on a cattle chute that Ray and Sharah were going to put out on some land that they were leasing for their cows. It was an old, rusted thing that we were going to fix up and put some casters on so we could roll it a little easier than trying to carry the heavy thing into place. Earlier that day, Staci was telling us all about her night in Checotah and discovering "cruising". It was so funny cause she thought this was such a cool, new concept...but really, all of us had done it. So she and her friend Meghan got this brilliant idea to go cruising in my uncle's old junky Chevy truck because the guys were so impressed the night before with her truck. "Whitey" is a 1978 standard Chevy truck that's white...but with lots of rust spots, a hay spear in the back, and it's getting on it's last leg of life. The girls took it to fill up on gas and it died on them after they got there because it was a little too hot. :) It reminds me of my dad's old truck that's an '81 standard Chevy. Staci's friend had never driven a standard before so she took her out in the pasture to teach her. Then my aunt decided to relive her childhood days and teach us all how to properly do donuts in the field! It was so much fun speeding around there and leaping over the terraces...but I was a little afraid for my life when she told us not to hang on to the doors because she's had them fall out on her before (and I was on the outside edge and kept hitting the passenger door)!! My aunt is so cool. She was telling us about all the trouble she used to cause and her tricks to evade the cops or make her truck sound louder and make the pipes rattle! Now I kinda want to take my dad's old truck out into the pasture and drive around in it. :) It was so funny! That night we delivered the chute, checked cows, and finally made it out to eat at a decent hour. Sharah and I had to make a quick run through the grocery store before heading home to watch a new Hallmark movie. Then, we had some drama when their little rat terrier, Bucky, chased down a possum and Papa and Ray had to go shoot it. I swear this dog must think he is big stuff because this possum was probably twice his size, but he got right in there and grabbed it by the tail to drag him out and then grabbed him by the neck and shook it around! Crazy dog.

Sunday, we all rose very early to go to the sunrise service at their church. It was pouring down rain almost all day, but we still went to the service and then we all made breakfast afterward at their church. The spirit was just amazing that even though it was gross and raining outside, everyone was so joyful and happy to have been saved by the great sacrifice that Christ did for us and that He rose again to conquer death so that we might all live! Amazing!!! I am so thankful that the God did not give up on us, but yearns for all of us to be with Him and made that possible through His Son! After church, the joy continued when a bunch of my family came over for a late lunch and Easter egg hunt! Papa, my aunt Della, Uncle Shawn, their kids Elliott, Tiffany, and Steven, Tiffany's boyfriend Blake, and her children Clark and Avori all came over. It was my first time meeting Tiff's new boyfriend Blake and their brand-new (literally...just born on Tuesday) little baby, Avori. He was so precious! I actually liked Blake too, better than any of my cousin's bf's/gf's/husbands/wives. He just fit in with the family so well and didn't just sit there not talking to anyone like some others have. He talked with all of us and was interested in getting to know us, plus he really seemed to care about Tiffany's other son and their new baby. My family may be a little disfunctional and not the traditional family, but I love them just the same! It's what makes us unique and brings us closer in those hard times. We then all hunted Easter eggs in the yard...which was interesting because it was all soggy and gross outside, but fun just the same. We all got really competitive and whenever they would give us a clue, we would shove each other out of the way to try and get it! No one got hurt though...and it was all in good fun! :)

I really loved my time at my "second home" this weekend! It's always a humbling experience and pushes me to be a hard working person just like all of them. I'm really eager to learn new things whenever I'm down there. My dad didn't really show me how to do some of the things I've learned down there, like mowing hay, because our haying is mostly a one person job. But I always like learning more about farm life and getting in there and getting my hands dirty right along with them. My country roots and the values I've learned from them are an important part of who I am!

Second Thoughts...

Uggh! I'm having second thoughts about taking this job at St. John's. I'm sure a lot of it is that I just don't know what to expect. I don't know much about St. John's. I've only been there three times (one as a patient in the ER only, once to visit someone, and once for my interview). I'm worried that I'm not going to like my floor at all. It worries me that the turnover rate is so high for patients. I'm worried I won't be able to keep up and that I'll just be running around all day trying to stay afloat and that I will go crazy. I'm worried that the nurse's will eat me. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm supposed to try and be tough and stick up for myself against them...but we all know that's just not me and I'm worried that even if I try and stick up for myself that they will all gang up on me or talk about me behind my back. I hate that nurses eat their young...remind me to NEVER be that way!

I just think I may have rushed into all this because I was scared about not getting a job at all. I know a lot more about Cox and really wanted to work there more, but I jumped at any job, so I took this one. But people in my class are having interviews and getting jobs at Cox, jobs in areas that they really wanted. The excitement has worn off and I just worry that I settled and that I'm going to hate it. I really hope this is all just in my head...